Question:
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called Sosumi.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging
from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many
can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to SCREW a light bulb...
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A
good start!
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What does a lawyer do after sex? Pays the bill.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
Answer:
Two lawyers make a suicide pact to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge at the exact same time. One is wearing a blue suit, the other is wearing a brown one. Which hits the water first?
Who cares?
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What's the difference between a pity and a shame?
If a busload of lawyers crashes and there are no survivors, that is a pity. If any seats were empty, that's a shame.
Man, it was so cold the other day, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
Monday, April 27, 2009
How do I turn my BF on when he's not in the mood?
Question:
Hey guys, I need some help. My bf and I have been going out for three months now. We live together (yes I know it's soon) but the second we saw each other, it was love at first sight and since that first date we have only been apart two days. The only problem is that he is rarely "in the mood" whereas I'm usually down to do it twice a day. He is amazing in every other way so leaving him is not an option. He tells me I'm incredibly beautiful all the time so it's not that I'm ugly or fat. I have tried toys, porn, sex chocolates, getting dolled up, lingerie... I even tried just not bringing sex up at all but nothing seems to make him come around. Masturbation is fine and all but it doesn't satisfy me because I crave him, not my hand. He did do a whole lot of drugs and has only been clean about a year which he claims is part of the reason his drive is so low. But when we do have sex, it's incredible and he is really into it but getting him to want to is the problem. Is there anything you can suggest I do? Any special foods I could feed him or herbal stuff he could take? I can't get Viagra so please don't suggest that. Anything your girl can do to get you in the mood when you're not feeling it? I love him so much and am so turned on by him and I'm just getting so disheartened each time I try to get him in the mood and it fails. Thank you for your help guys!
Answer:
Try getting him when he is biologically ready. Most guys have testosterone peak around 5:00 A.M. on normal sleep schedules so the indivdual wakes up with an erection. You can try ambushing him then and starting off the day right that way.
Another thing you can try is to give him a massage. Just from head to toe. It doesn't need to be sensual but it can lead up to that. By giving the massage you can increase overall blood flow and some of that blood flow could find it's way to his cash a prizes. Maybe not right away but it could just help over time.
Try exercising with him or doing some compitive sports. The exercise will be good for blood flow and competition could spike up his testorone. which could spike up his sex drive.
Here are some foods that you could incorprate in his diet which are stated to be aphrodisiacs
http://planetgreen.discovery.com/food-he...
I've heard Ginkgo biloba is helpful with these issues.
Finally. Since you've only been going out 3 months try figuring out some of his lesser known turn on's which he may be weary to specify so early on.
Hey guys, I need some help. My bf and I have been going out for three months now. We live together (yes I know it's soon) but the second we saw each other, it was love at first sight and since that first date we have only been apart two days. The only problem is that he is rarely "in the mood" whereas I'm usually down to do it twice a day. He is amazing in every other way so leaving him is not an option. He tells me I'm incredibly beautiful all the time so it's not that I'm ugly or fat. I have tried toys, porn, sex chocolates, getting dolled up, lingerie... I even tried just not bringing sex up at all but nothing seems to make him come around. Masturbation is fine and all but it doesn't satisfy me because I crave him, not my hand. He did do a whole lot of drugs and has only been clean about a year which he claims is part of the reason his drive is so low. But when we do have sex, it's incredible and he is really into it but getting him to want to is the problem. Is there anything you can suggest I do? Any special foods I could feed him or herbal stuff he could take? I can't get Viagra so please don't suggest that. Anything your girl can do to get you in the mood when you're not feeling it? I love him so much and am so turned on by him and I'm just getting so disheartened each time I try to get him in the mood and it fails. Thank you for your help guys!
Answer:
Try getting him when he is biologically ready. Most guys have testosterone peak around 5:00 A.M. on normal sleep schedules so the indivdual wakes up with an erection. You can try ambushing him then and starting off the day right that way.
Another thing you can try is to give him a massage. Just from head to toe. It doesn't need to be sensual but it can lead up to that. By giving the massage you can increase overall blood flow and some of that blood flow could find it's way to his cash a prizes. Maybe not right away but it could just help over time.
Try exercising with him or doing some compitive sports. The exercise will be good for blood flow and competition could spike up his testorone. which could spike up his sex drive.
Here are some foods that you could incorprate in his diet which are stated to be aphrodisiacs
http://planetgreen.discovery.com/food-he...
I've heard Ginkgo biloba is helpful with these issues.
Finally. Since you've only been going out 3 months try figuring out some of his lesser known turn on's which he may be weary to specify so early on.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Is Rush limbaugh really talent on loan from god?
Question:
Is this not blasphemy? I mean Im not religious or nothing like that but if I remember right, using Gods name in vein is a sin. I thought republicans/ Conservatives were the religious right. I guess going to the dominican republic with condoms and a bottle of viagra prescribed to some one other then your self is OK with God.
Answer:
Rush, the Entertainer, says things for ratings and money.
It's so funny how his fans don't see that as his main goal.
He calls his show EIB, excellence in broadcasting. That alone proves he's a sensationalist on an ego trip, for $$$$$$!
Is this not blasphemy? I mean Im not religious or nothing like that but if I remember right, using Gods name in vein is a sin. I thought republicans/ Conservatives were the religious right. I guess going to the dominican republic with condoms and a bottle of viagra prescribed to some one other then your self is OK with God.
Answer:
Rush, the Entertainer, says things for ratings and money.
It's so funny how his fans don't see that as his main goal.
He calls his show EIB, excellence in broadcasting. That alone proves he's a sensationalist on an ego trip, for $$$$$$!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Does Triple H take (NOSE VIAGRA)?
Question:
How the hell does it get so danm big if he doesnt
Answer:
lmfao. You crack me up dude. He probably does. It's funny when he headbutts people. You start to wonder if he'll poke their eye with his nose.
How the hell does it get so danm big if he doesnt
Answer:
lmfao. You crack me up dude. He probably does. It's funny when he headbutts people. You start to wonder if he'll poke their eye with his nose.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Will Viagra help my stimulus package?
Question:
I'm going to assume that this is a serious question and so I will give you a serious answer. As far as I know the fiscal stimulus plans of the government do not take into account viagra usage, so the answer is probably no. But buying and consuming viagra could help the economy long term.
Answer:
I'm going to assume that this is a serious question and so I will give you a serious answer. As far as I know the fiscal stimulus plans of the government do not take into account viagra usage, so the answer is probably no. But buying and consuming viagra could help the economy long term.
I'm going to assume that this is a serious question and so I will give you a serious answer. As far as I know the fiscal stimulus plans of the government do not take into account viagra usage, so the answer is probably no. But buying and consuming viagra could help the economy long term.
Answer:
I'm going to assume that this is a serious question and so I will give you a serious answer. As far as I know the fiscal stimulus plans of the government do not take into account viagra usage, so the answer is probably no. But buying and consuming viagra could help the economy long term.
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